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Posts Tagged ‘humor’

GOP Debate- Who Had the Best Hair?

September 8, 2011 1 comment


The conventional wisdom is that the fight for the Republican nomination is really down to two: Mitt Romney and Rick Perry. And damn, they have great hair. I can see either one in the pantheon of Presidents.

John Huntsman, who, based on the Washington Post’s instant blogging last night, is the one Republican Democrats would most want to vote for, should not be ignored. He was also nicely quaffed.

Michele Bachmann, however, had a very bad hair night. The hairdo was inexplicably gigantic. Big hair. Huge hair. Helmet-like, even. Most analysts seem to have reached consensus that she failed to stand out from the pack and then fell into the second tier of candidates. I think it is possible her standing has fallen, but she absolutely stood out from the pack. Same week Ed Rollins steps down from his role as her campaign manager she has the rotten luck of having a bad hair night. Coincidence?

Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul both sport the grizzled, veteran, white-hair look. Perhaps coincidentally, they both seem a little grumpy to me. Newt’s greatest applause lines come after his hyperbolic attacks on the given debate moderator of the evening. I like that whole scary, white-haired, angry Uncle thing. It works for him.

Ron Paul, we learned, wants to cut off air conditioning for the troops in Iraq and Afghanistan- but not to be mean. As I understood it, this would make the entire U.S. military intolerably hot, and they would just pack their bags and go home. I could go with that. Leave it to the crazy white-haired Uncle to find a formula for world peace.

I like Herman Cain. I like his 9-9-9 plan. He hardly has any hair, like me, which is another reason I like him. I can’t recall the details of the 9-9-9 plan, but I do like the symmetry of it and I have always been partial to the number 9. And if it fails for some reason, he can always go to the back-up 9-1-1 plan, in which people come rescue you.

And that leaves Rick Santorum who also has a very nice head of very dark hair, though not quite as spectacular as the Romney/Perry combo, which takes the competition hands-down for the impressive thickness and body. And these guys are no spring chickens either.

Tonight, it’s President Obama’s turn in the national spotlight. He’s got a great smile, if unfortunately, not much to use it for these days. But the hair situation with Obama is getting increasingly predictable and, frankly, a little boring. Grey. More and more grey.
I’m with the critics who are urging the President to come out big and bold tonight. Just For Men. And an earring. Blow their socks off, Mr. President.

I am you! Wait! Who are you?

November 2, 2010 1 comment

This is a post about signs and I'm sorry but this graphic was the best I could do

I did NOT attend the Jon Stewart/Steve Colbert rally Saturday. I work for a news organization that suggested that would not be a cool thing to do since the gathering had political overtones and I respect that. Plus, I’d like to remain employed.

I, did, however, make the incredibly stupid mistake of taking the Metro to the Eastern Market to browse and ended up buying some napoleons and éclairs.

I returned home right at the time the rally was breaking up only to become witness to our subway system in a state of chaos. Nothing like being hemmed in on a subway car like a sardine holding a plastic container of napoleons and éclairs. Lord knows what people thought of the political statement I was trying to make. Pro-chocolate, I guess.

Anyway, I spotted a lot of rather amusing signs. So here it was a couple of days later and I happen upon a fellow WordPress web site called Rallythecause.com

I do not endorse this web site or its opinions, whatever they may be, but it is the decent thing to do to cite them as my source of the 40 funniest rally signs. At least the 40 I thought were funny (they list over 350 of them).

Not a single one of my choices is political, as far as I can discern. Well, except for two. “Fear the Amish” and “Protect our Border Collies.” For the record, I respect the Amish (one of my fantasies in life is eating fried chicken, mashed potatoes and biscuits with an Amish family). I am also for anything that protects our Border Collies and I’ll fight to the death for them (bless their furry little paws).

Now then, my favorite signs, in alphabetical order:

1. BIG WORDS ON A SIGN
2. DON’T PANIC
3. Eschew Obfuscation
4. Everything on this sign is spelled correctly
5. excuse me. pardon me. excuse me. pardon me.
6. Fear the Amish
7. I already regret choosing to carry this sign all day
8. I am a radicalized moderate and I’m mad as heck!
9. I am angry and afraid and I don’t know why [man dressed as Beaker the Muppet]
10. I am pretty sure that GOD HATES US EQUALLY
11. I am you! Wait! Who are you?
12. I can spell
13. I don’t believe in anything I just came for the violence
14. I don’t really have a political message…so I drew a bunny
15. I doubt this sign will change your opinion
16. I Hate Bed Bugs
17. I like kittens (worn by a little girl)
18. I like ice cream
19. I like pizza
20. I like turtles
21. I politely request satisfaction
22. I thought this was the line for Georgetown Cupcakes
23. I’m afraid of crowds
24. I’m annoyed, but it’s not that bad
25. I’m from the future. It turns out ok!
26. I’m going for sushi after this. Who’s with me?
27. If your idea can fit on a sign, you need a bigger idea
28. Juan Williams makes me nervous [whoa, how’d that get in there?]
29. Legalize Marijuana quickly before they search my fanny pack!
30. Make awkward sexual advances, not war
31. Moderates for better iPhone Reception
32. My opinions change with new information
33. On the whole, I am rather gruntled
34. Please STOP watching 2 1/2 Men It’s terrible and cannot be America’s #1 comedy. Thank you.
35. Protect our border collies
36. Sometimes I get the feeling that the government isn’t being completely honest and that concerns me!
37. The people behind me can’t see
38. There is nothing to fear but fear and spiders!
39. Where am I?
40. Why wasn’t this Rally catered?

Categories: Humor/Satire Tags: , , ,

Humor Break: Great Moments in Graffiti

The example above, one of the all-time best, comes from infrastructurist.com which has an ongoing series on brilliantly violated street signs.

Perhaps one of the most famous pieces of graffiti humor in history, of course, was born in the Washington, D.C. area. To my knowledge, there is no known picture of it, though the bridge that was used as the spray-paint canvas is to the left.  With the Oz-like Mormon Temple behind it, the phrase on the side of the bridge read, “Surrender Dorothy.” It’s such a famous piece of graffiti that it has its own entry in Wikipedia. Not only that, but if you Google, “Surrender Dorothy,” about half the entries relate to the graffiti not the Wizard of Oz.

Another piece of wicked graffiti humor that also has no known picture, was spray-painted on a pedestrian bridge across Whiele Avenue in Reston, Virginia back in the 1970’s. It read: “Welcome to Crime-free Reston.” I think I know who actually did that, but surely after some 36 years, the statute of limitations has run out and I can no longer be subpoenaed.

Here’s a real dry one that is one of my personal favorites:

And this great one from some public restroom somewhere in America:

And finally, just because:

Categories: Culture, Humor/Satire Tags: , ,