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Kim Jong-Il, World’s Greatest Golfer, Bowler, Fashion Leader & Fast Food Mogul, Dies
(Photo courtesy of anyonefortee.com)
He ruled North Korea with an iron fist, starved his own people and kept the world perpetually on edge with his nuclear threats. But whether it was on the golf course, the bowling alley or the finest fashion runways of New York and Paris, the diminutive North Korean leader was constantly proving his global superiority.
In 1994, North Korean state-run media reported that as he celebrated his 62nd birthday, he took his first golf outing ever to an 18-hole course near Pyongyang. He finished with an incredible score of 34—a full 38 strokes under par, scoring 5 holes-in-one, a fact verified by his 17 body guards who were all reportedly there to greet and hail him as the Supreme Leader wrapped up his remarkable round on the 18th hole.
He was also the world’s greatest bowler with witnesses reporting he completed a perfect score of 300 in his very first visit to the lanes.
None of which should come as a surprise coming from a man who, according to official North Korean state literature, was born in a small log cabin in 1942 near Mount Paekdu, the nation’s most sacred mountain. The birth, which had been predicted by a swallow, caused a bright star to appear that immediately changed the seasons from winter to spring followed by an amazing double rainbow.
North Korean newspapers also reported that he was one of the world’s leading fashion figures; that his khaki pant suits were being emulated around the globe. State media also pointed out that his birthday was celebrated around the planet and that many, many nations held festivals in his honor.
Supreme Leader did not allow foreign fast-food restaurants in North Korea and he didn’t need to as he invented a sandwich called “double-bread with meat” and had a special facility built to make it by the thousands for his starving people.
There will now be 11 days of mourning for Dear Leader in North Korea. Apparently out of respect for the fallen dictator, there has been universal silence from the international golfing, bowling, fashion and fast-food communities since the emotional announcement of his passing late last night.
Congressional Country Club, U.S. Opens and Memories
I will be watching the United States Open Golf Tournament from the best seat in the house this weekend- my living room. But there was a time Congressional was an annual tradition for me and it conjures up some great memories.
Before the abomination known as Avenel Country Club came into existence, Congressional was home to the Kemper Open Golf Tournament, the PGA’s only stop in the nation’s capital. It used to be broadcast by CBS, which I worked for at the time, so I used to get press passes and would alternate spending time on the course and hanging out with the CBS Sports crews in their trailer/studios.
The Golden Bear
I once got a ride in a golf cart with Pat Summerall and got more than a few grins watching the taping of a Ken Venturi chipping lesson at Congressional’s 18th green (the par-4 peninsula green). Trust me…they don’t do it in one take. But, to Venturi’s credit, it only took him three tries to chip to within about five feet of the hole. About a dozen of us spectators and the CBS ENG crew gave him a standing ovation.
I saw Freddie Couples win his very first golf tournament. It was memorable for the endearing spectacle of his first wife, a tall gorgeous blonde, running to the green with her arms open to crush him in a bear hug.
But the highlight of all highlights was following Jack Nicklaus on a magical round in which the Golden Bear notched six birdies in a row. For one of them, I totally lucked out and just happened to be positioned at a fairway trap on the back 9. Jack hit right into it, right in front of me.
So now I accidently happen to be in the front row of the huge gallery that was following him to watch as he tried to keep the birdie streak alive hitting out of sand about 160 yards away from the green. Nicklaus hit an absolutely amazing shot, landing about ten feet from the hole and made the putt. You could hear the roar for miles.
The Old Tiger
My only U.S. Open experience was at Bethpage State Park in New York two years ago. It was a soggy, muddy, hilarious adventure. My girlfriend, Millie and I, positioned ourselves on this hill that overlooks the 18th tee and the 17th green. It’s a very, very steep hill. After a couple of days of rain it had turned into a quagmire. As group after group of golfers would play through, spectators started slipping in the mud. I remember one guy, dressed in pressed white shorts, smoking cigars and looking every bit a close friend of Tony Soprano, as he started listing to the right. Having seen a couple of others topple, we could see it all happening in slow motion. Someone even yelled out, “There he goes!” And he plopped right into the mud as the ground gave way beneath him. So much for the pressed white shorts. He fell a few more times as he tried to get up. It was so much fun.
Then, lo and behold, THE group marched to the 17th tee- the one that included Tiger Woods. Tiger hit a shot that went considerably right of the tiny par-3 green and landed in super-thick U.S. Open rough. He was not a happy camper. This was the old Tiger- the one who still used to win tournaments and cursed up a storm after errant shots. He could barely see the ball. He positioned himself and took a whack at it. Three bounces and into the cup. Birdie. Tiger magic. Roar from the gallery. Tiger fist-pump and wide smile.
Neither Nicklaus nor Tiger won on the two days some 15 years apart that I was fortunate enough to watch them work their magic but that does not matter. Magic is magic, whether it’s part of a winning effort or not.
Tiger Says He’s Sorry and I Don’t Care for What
He did it. He’s pretty much confessed to something or other and it’s not pretty.
I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.
He’s working it out. He’s sticking to his guns about his privacy and good for him. I don’t want to know the sordid details. I appreciate that he’s human after all and hope he now gets to feel really grateful for his lovely wife and family. Let’s please leave him alone.
The only thing I want to know is when we get to see him compete again. I miss seeing the sweetest golf swing in the world. That’s what he does for a living. He never signed up to be my role model.
I use the Gillete Fusion shaver that he endorses. The guy is really clean shaven and you know what, it really is a great razor. I’m going out right now and buying 8 more cartridges. Friggin’ things last forever! And so will Tiger.
Just win a couple more majors in 2010 and keep on moving, buddy.
Garcia Media Life 
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