Home > Culture, Humor/Satire > The Week Justin Bieber Turned into a Word I Can’t Use in a Headline

The Week Justin Bieber Turned into a Word I Can’t Use in a Headline

(Photo courtesy Celebuzz.com)

(Photo courtesy Celebuzz.com)

Other than Mila Kunis and Jennifer Lawrence, I hate celebrities. I take pride in not recognizing their names or even being aware of their existence. My ignorance about them defeats their unending need for attention. But this Bieber kid has sent my celebrity-hatred into overdrive.

First, the little jerk tweets endlessly about his upcoming birthday. Who does that? Then when his birthday arrives he makes a big deal about going out shirtless to clubs where he knows he’s going to be assaulted by underage girls. He wears this expression that says, “God, I hate being so loved like this.”

He gets kicked out of a club or arrives and leaves quickly or something after getting into a dispute with bouncers and tweets: “Worst Birthday Ever.” He later deletes the tweet after, I presume, his agent or his nanny told him he was coming off like a spoiled, 1st world brat.

Then he’s 2 hours late for a London concert, royally angering thousands of parents who paid good money to get their 8-year old daughters there and, hopefully out in time to catch a train and to bed before school the next day. Bieber claims technical problems caused the delay, but security guards say he was late playing video games.

Then in an apparent bid to win sympathy he gets short of breath or something at another concert and has to take a brief break while a rep takes to the stage to say that even though Bieber should be going to a hospital, he’s going to bravely finish the concert. Which he does- then checks into a hospital, taking up a bed normally reserved for people who are actually sick- then instagrams a picture of himself without his shirt on in said hospital bed.

Then as he walks from a hotel to a limo, he brushes against a paparazzi, who tells him to go the hell back home to the states and the young superstar pops back out of the limo and threatens to “f—ing beat the f—out of you,” while his body guards hustle him back into the car.

He is, quite simply, out of control and needs to be grounded. Or better yet, he needs to read either a history on the inevitable, pathetic decline of teen idols or a 1971 issue of Teen magazine with Bobby Sherman on the cover- and then be shown pictures of Bobby Sherman today. This, Biebes, is you at 70.

Now, for someone who hates celebrities so much, why, you might ask, would I know so much about Justin Bieber’s very bad week? Because the kid is like a slow motion car accident, that’s why. And like any other normal human being, when you see a car wreck it’s hard to turn away.

So this is me not turning away.

  1. Steve
    March 9, 2013 at 12:13 am

    Robert, my man, it’s not worth the electrons. Perhaps he should marry Lindsay Lohan

  2. March 9, 2013 at 2:49 am

    Sir, I recognize your hatred for celebrities. Yet, you shouldn’t take pride in assaulting them or bashing them on your blog. That can explain the reason why you’re not getting any benefit out of it. You should try blogging about something a little more important and not celebrity gossip. As for me, I do not take any interest in celebrity lives, yet, I don’t go bashing them on the internet. Besides, the kid’s still young and he’s going through a lot. It’s what all celebrities go through and if you can’t respect that, then just ignore them and leave them alone. Find something better to blog about.

    • March 9, 2013 at 6:04 am

      Well, that’s just silly. I write about celebrities about 1 in every 200 posts. But I do think a celebrity-obsessed culture is an empty, vain place. I will continue to take pride knocking them down or ignoring them, if it’s all the same to you. Also…at $50 million a year, I can’t work up sympathy for a 19 year-old spoiled brat working out his adolescence on the world stage. He actively seeks publicity. He just didn’t get the kind this week that’s endeared him to anyone. I do hope you at least recognize I have excepted Mila Kunis and Jennifer Lawrence from my celebrity hate list. I actually respect people with talent.

  3. Terence
    March 10, 2013 at 5:02 pm

    Falling into a pool of power, adulation, money, drugs and alcohol – few survive the experience unscathed. I feel bad for the guy (and those around him). Let’s hope his parachute opens.

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