Home > Culture, Earth, Humor/Satire, Politics > Congress Temporarily Saves the Incandescent Light Bulb

Congress Temporarily Saves the Incandescent Light Bulb


Tucked away in the 1,200-page bill that keeps the government funded through the rest of the fiscal year is a teeny, tiny, little provision that denies the Obama administration any of the money that would be necessary for it to enforce new energy efficiency standards that would pretty much eradicate the incandescent light bulb.

Yes, that’s right…for the time being anyway…the old light bulb continues to live on!

For some reason, this has been a huge priority for congressional Republicans- presumably because of the symbolism of it all; playing on the resentment of Americans being forced to use those weird, foreign-looking, squiggly light bulbs by squinty-eyed, bespectacled, nerdy, little, carbon foot-print-measuring, bureaucratic, government weasel-heads.

I’m going with the GOP on this one. You can only judge these things, I think, based on your own experiences. And my one experience with the new fangled light bulbs was not a pretty one. Saw it in the drug store one day and thought, “Oh what the hell, let’s see if these things do as advertised.” So I brought it home, took out my incandescent bulb in my bedroom lamp and screwed in the new one.

The packaging says, “lasts five years!” What a deal, I thought. Yeah, they’re a little expensive but totally worth it for five years, right? Ten minutes after I put that new bulb into the lamp, it popped and died. I was totally outraged. There is a huge difference in my book between five years and ten minutes. Huge. I fished the old incandescent bulb out of the trash can and happily screwed it back in again.

With visible disdain (visible at the time only by my cats), I tossed the failed new fangled bulb into the trash. I felt duped. Violated, even.

Look, I’m as environmentally conscious as the next guy—no—more so. I don’t even own a car. I have the tiniest little carbon footprint of anyone I know. I love the earth and the trees and the grasses and all of God’s creatures. I would even be in favor of the eradication of the incandescent light bulb if it would buy our lovely planet just one more day. But the thing you’re replacing it with- HAS TO WORK.

Otherwise- back off, Mr. Government Bureaucrat Guy. Don’t make me buy a 1960 diesel pick-up truck without a catalytic converter- ‘cause I will mess the earth up. Big time.

  1. Jim Howard
    December 16, 2011 at 8:48 pm

    And who says America can’t accomplish big things any more?

    Just think of all those grade-schools science projects that have been preserved because kids can still hatch chicks and reptiles with the old bulbs. That’s not to mention all the homemade brownines that will be consumed on Christmas morning with Easy Bake Ovens. I just can’t imagine how long it would take to make brownies with a CF bulb.

    So what if the old bulbs spin electric meters as if they were 78’s – it’s good for the utilities.

  2. oldschoolpirate
    December 18, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    Wait….you did what??? Threw it in the trash? Don’t you know that these new “improved” bulbs, having completed their 5 year (or 5 second) terms of service must be carefully encased in a lead box which then must be encased in a 3 foot cube of concrete to protect the earth from the toxic, earth and people-killing chemicals lurking inside that innocent-looking swirl of light?
    I read GE’s faq on these things (http://www.gelighting.com/na/home_lighting/ask_us/faq_compact.htm) and it reminds me of the dread that overtakes me when I hear that there’s an “upgrade” to any kind of software I use. “Upgrade” means everything that used to work well will be removed, hidden, or made infinitely more complicated. This is the lightbulb equivalent of a software upgrade.

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