Home > Culture > Headlines That Beg Snarkiness

Headlines That Beg Snarkiness

It’s only mid-week but already I have run into a few headlines and stories on the World Wide Web that have caught my attention and need to be adorned with snarky commentary.

Politics & Media

This headline was interesting:

Can Michael Steele Survive the RNC Bondage Club Scandal?

It’s one thing to affix “gate” onto all scandals. It’s something else altogether to have the words “Bondage Club” affixed to your scandal. The answer to this headline, it seems to me, is: No. Nobody survives something called a Bondage Club Scandal. But we’ll know he’s really done when the media start referring to it as Bondage-gate.

Here’s a Matt Drudge headline that raised an eyebrow:

High earners hit as 50% tax rate goes into effect…

It’s right above another Drudge headline that reads:

Dem trouble in Spring Special Elections…

Wow, I’m thinking to myself. Damn Democrats- raising taxes to 50% in a recession, how tone deaf can you get? Except when you link to the tax rate story, you find they’re raising taxes on rich people in ENGLAND. That Matt Drudge is such a trickster!

Aviation

Spirit Becomes First U.S. Airline to Charge Fee for CARRY-ON Bag

What is it with airlines? They now charge for stowed luggage, pillows, blankets- and now carry-ons? When will it end? To save on fuel during take-offs, will they cut holes beneath passenger’s feet, so we can all provide a good, running Flintstone start? Or better yet- this Flintstones aviation concept:

Women Arrested For Trying To Take DEAD Relative On Plane

This occurred in Europe. The ladies had the 90-year old dead guy in a wheel chair with sun glasses on. I believe they may have been inspired by Weekend at Bernie’s. Apparently it’s expensive and involves a lot of paperwork to send a body from one country to another, so this was a cost-saving exercise. They bought the guy a ticket and everything so I can’t imagine what the airline was angry about.

Celebrities I Didn’t Know Were Celebrities

Heidi Montag’s Plastic Surgery Prevents Her From Hugging, Jogging

I have no idea who this Heidi Montag woman is. But I can imagine this plastic surgery situation must have come as a real blow to her hopes for qualifying in the new Hugging-Jogging competition at the 2012 Olympic games in London.

Mmmm: Lionel Messi Sculpture Made Entirely Of Chocolate

I had no idea who this Lionel Messi guy was. Turns out he’s the latest, best soccer player in the world. The point is that he has set a new standard for celebrities. It will no longer be enough to release grainy-looking sex tapes or have former Spice Girls as girlfriends. You will now have to be memorialized in cocoa and sugar. Here’s the chocolate version of Mr. Messi:

Doesn’t his left hand look huge?

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