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Notes on the Incoming Storm: Version 3.0

February 9, 2010 Leave a comment

Photo by Dallas Kilponen

There are days like this when the line between the paranoid and the well-prepared gets very, very blurry. Some observations after a winter that includes three blizzards. 

People who rush to stores to buy out toilet paper, milk, water and bread:

- When there’s four inches of snow coming- Silly & paranoid.
- When there’s five feet of snow coming and it’s the end of the world as we know it- Brilliant people with great foresight.

Neighbors who bought snow blowers last December:

- When there’s four inches of snow coming- Desperate and sad.
- When there’s five feet of snow coming and it’s the end of the world as we know it- Your Bestest Friend Ever.

People who regularly stock up on batteries, transistor radios, candles, and blankets:

- When there’s four inches of snow coming- Scary survivalists.
- When there’s five feet of snow coming and it’s the end of the world as we know it and the power’s out for a week:  The only warm, well-informed people in the neighborhood.

People who bought their own snow plow and park it in the garage as the second car:

- When there’s four inches of snow coming- Certifiably insane.
- When there’s five feet of snow coming and it’s the end of the world as we know it and no one’s cleared the street for five days: Neighbor of the Year.

People who live in rental apartments:

- When there’s four inches of snow coming- Lowlifes
- When there’s five feet of snow coming and it’s the end of the world as we know it and there’s six tons of snow on your driveway: Humble, smart minimalists who don’t have to shovel.

People who buy their own electrical generator:

- When there’s four inches of snow coming- Weirdos
- When there’s five feet of snow coming and it’s the end of the world as we know it and PEPCO is nowhere to be found: The only folks in the neighborhood with the lights on.

People who don’t drive or own cars:

- When there’s four inches of snow coming- Suspicious, quirky, non-conformists.
- When there’s five feet of snow coming and it’s the end of the world as we know it, your car is buried in a snow drift and even if it was cleared you can’t leave the block to hit a main road: Sages ahead of their time.

People who stay indoors all the time and never see the light of day:

- When there’s four inches of snow coming- Psychotic loners.
- When there’s five feet of snow coming and it’s the end of the world as we know it- The residents of Washington, Baltimore and Philadelphia.

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